All Jokes Aside… After Rock Bottom, There’s Rock Bottom Pro Max.
There are going to be bad days, and there are going to be good days, but you must be willing to embrace both days. Calm seas don’t make great sailors!
The first time I hit rock bottom was in 2008, I was expelled from school and got blacklisted by the then Governor of Lagos State, no other government institution would take me, and I didn't come from money for me to continue at a private school.
I spent about 8 months to a year at home, it was at the time, the longest 8 months of my life, lucky for me, 3 out of every 5 pastors in Deeper Life Church own a school 😂, so, my mom used her influence in the church to plead with one of the Pastors who then accepted me into his private school on part scholarship where I finished from.
The years that followed were not fun, mental bullying was a norm (but we didn't know what it was called), and I also did everything I could to fight back in ways I could, but I saw how damaged a lot of people were, and how far they’re willing to go to project those on you - both teachers and students.
The second time I revisited the city of rock bottom was between 2018 and 2019, my business had just failed and I was in a shitload of debt, this was the period I developed an anxiety disorder, eating disorder, sleeping disorder and several allergies, in fact, this so far was the scariest time of my life, anytime I remember this period, my heart races, just as it is doing now as I’m writing about it, I have never had another worst time since then, and I have had terrible periods after, but nothing has been that dark - something I am incredibly grateful for.
In the second half of 2022, after I had thought I was over my regular visits to rock bottom, I got another rock bottom invite, this time, It was my relationship, it went south just about a week before I was supposed to get married, things went really crazy super fast that I couldn’t keep up, and because I’ve been used to sucking up my problems and dealing with them personally all my life, I did the same thing, sucked it all up like it didn’t affect me one bit, when in fact, I was burning seriously on the inside and I just wanted to disappear or used whatever I could lay my hands on so all my pains would go away.
While I was dealing with the drama surrounding the breakup, I started losing money too, had deals worth millions of Naira that went south, lost a shit ton of money from another major incident, my previous mechanic had spoilt my car engine and now I needed to source several hundreds of thousands to change almost everything and it felt like, after hitting rock bottom with my relationship, there was more rock bottom to still hit. More like, Rock Bottom Pro Max.
I started noticing so many mental and emotional disorders that came with the 2018/2019 dark periods were beginning to crawl back in, this time, I wasn’t going to take any chances, so I got every medication I could lay my hands on to numb as much pain and deal with as much of this shit that I could - the self-medicating went south so fast (If you read my first article, I mentioned this there.) and I found myself even further down this dark hole, this time, I’m dealing with drug abuse that almost became chronic, thank goodness for the few people in my life who wouldn’t let it.
So far, I have been having the best 2023, it felt like all my problems, big or small went away with 2022 😂. I am genuinely happier and finally realised I have forgiven myself and a few other people, therapy has been going well and my family and close friends are closer than ever.
Life isn’t always fun, and you won't always win or be happy, at certain periods you’ll hit rock bottom, and you’ll notice you’ve been hit so hard, you can’t get up, and when you try to find the courage to stand, you get hit again, and again, and again and it feels like, the rock bottom doesn’t have an end. The person you love doesn’t love you back, you lose money, your business fails, you lose your job, and you realised you were born in Nigeria 😂 - at one point, you’ll definitely visit the city of rock bottom, and I promise you - that place is dark!
One dangerous question to ask when you’re going through this dark tunnel without the light at the end is - Why Me? Why Not Someone Else?
This question can destroy you, it shifts your view from seeking a solution to seeking who to lay blames, it moves from seeking happiness to seeking comfort. This question is why several people never got out of jams they find themselves, no time in my life was I in a jam and asked “Why Me? But I am a good person, why me?” Why not you? Why must your cup be passed over to someone else? Because life is unfair, everybody gets their ass handed to them at some point.
Someone said “Success is not measured on the days the sun shines, success is measured on the dark, stormy, cloudy days. And if you can’t absorb failure, you’re never gonna meet success.” Sometimes it takes things falling apart, for better things to fall into place, it might take you to walk through the most uncomfortable paths to lead your life to the most beautiful destinations.
There are going to be bad days, and there are going to be good days, but you must be willing to embrace both days. Calm seas don’t make great sailors!
Here are some powerful quotes from one of my favourite movies of all time; Rocky:
“Going in one more round when you don’t think you can. That’s what makes all the difference in your life.”
“No, maybe I can’t win, maybe the only thing I can do is just take everything he’s got. But to beat me, he’s gonna have to kill me and to kill me, he’s gonna have to have the heart to stand in front of me, and to do that, he’s gotta be willing to die himself and I don’t know if he’s ready to do that. I don’t know, I don’t know.”
“Every champion was once a contender who refused to give up.”
Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain’t all sunshine and rainbows. It is a very mean and nasty place and it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain’t how hard you hit; it’s about how hard you can get hit, and keep moving forward. How much you can take, and keep moving forward. That’s how winning is done. Now, if you know what you’re worth, then go out and get what you’re worth. But you gotta be willing to take the hit, and not point fingers saying you ain’t where you are because of him, or her, or anybody. Cowards do that and that ain’t you. You’re better than that.
“Remember, the mind is your best muscle. Big arms can move rocks, but big words can move mountains.”
“If this is something you wanna do, and if this is something you gotta do, then you do it. Fighters fight.”
Time takes everybody out. Time is undefeated.
You’re gonna have to go through hell, worse than any nightmare you’ve ever dreamed. But when it’s over, I know you’ll be the one standing. You know what you have to do. Do it.
“All I wanna do is go the distance.”
Let me leave you with my favourite - “What is it you said to the kid? It ain't about how hard you're hit, it's about how you can get hit and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward.”
Enjoy an undefeated weekend! 🙌🏾
"Instead of waiting for a perfect time, how can I take the hits but still keep moving forward?"
Food for thought.
Truly, we need to create systems that will keep our mental and physical structures moving fine on "good" and "bad" days.
Thanks for sharing. Your story was inspiring.